By: Renay Porter

I’ve heard of couples who have a portable pole for the bedroom. I’ve seen classes taught at gyms on how to move your body more seductively. I’ve seen the six inch clear heels in “those” stores and became intrigued with what it would be like to strip for my man. A new adventure! I was all in a flutter.

After researching the multitude of fantasy clothing options, I ended up with a dirty school girl concoction with a plaid skirt and all. The next part was the music, it had to be sexy, grindy and say come get me! Justin Timberlake ought to do the trick. Finally, the routine, choreographed with tips from the late night Skinamax reality shows. In all seriousness, I had never considered myself a sexy dancer or a sensual mover, but I was going for it!

It was our anniversary, we were staying at a resort and the kids were with Grandma. I set the stage; a nice dinner, a bottle of wine, loving eyes at each other and the whole flirtation thing; he definitely knew he was getting sex tonight, but didn’t know about my pre-show extravaganza.

After we tanked two bottles of wine, I was feeling ready to perform. All my nerves went away and I was feeling confident in my abilities. “Come with me. I have a surprise,” I announced. Jake perked up, “Oh really?” When I asked him to wait in the bedroom, I think he actually ran. As I started putting on my outfit I felt a little woozy. I think the wine was catching up to me; that can’t be good. I was ready, “Close your eyes!” I yelled. I entered and started the music, he opened his eyes and appeared oogly over the outfit. I started dancing.

Instead of relaying the details of my routine or calamity per se, let me give you the highlights. To start, halfway through the song I forgot my routine and started improvising. I tried to remember and imitate the girls on the late night tv; that was a bad idea. I think the best way to describe my stripping talent would be novice stripper meets ‘hands in the air like I just don’t care’ drunk college girl. I now realize that the “improv” attempt was no less than sad. I fully admit it. I’m convinced that there is truly some form of stripper art that goes into the choreography of those shows. Honestly, when I tried to gyrate or grind, it was more like moving the belly fat from front to back with force. At some point, sticking my booty out had to be offensive. Then I tried to do that caressing body rub sexy thing, but I think I looked more like someone with the chicken pox who forgot the pink lotion. Do I go on? The high heels, my gosh, how the hell do those girls deal? I fell twice and tried to play it off as some animal, tiger, lioness crawling thing. Seriously people, this stuff is for professionals.

Thank God the song ended and when it did, I stood there, looked at Jake, who I’m sure had zero possibility of an erection, and said to him, “You know, that was just sad.” Simultaneously, we both started cracking up because, I’m sorry, it was wrong. Jake tried to make me feel better, “Honey, love the outfit, and that was a seriously good effort.” Before I could feel even the slightest bit stupid, he smiled and reached out to hug me. Awwww. So back to the drawing board with this one, and next time, more pink lotion and less zoo animal impressions. Reeeeow!

For more hilarious stories by Renay Porter please visit her column on the ChiKii network, Renay's Sexy, Savvy, So Called Life.

2007 ©

By Patrick Borzi aka Roman Shades

What IS it with examinations?

Is it the outdated magazines in the waiting room?  Is hearing the phrase “the doctor is running a little behind” make your stomach cringe?  Is it the actual examination?  I just don’t get it.  In this day and age when catching something in its early stages make all the difference, why wouldn’t EVERY woman get examined.  It’s not directly related but take my friend for instance.

He’s forty years old, 6’11” weighs 250 pounds, doesn’t eat right, doesn’t exercise and has a family history of heart problems.  Granted that he may not be a prime candidate for breast cancer, but it’s my guess that he’s got man-breasts.  Yes, I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.  It’s not a pretty sight.  But back to my point.

He hasn’t had a physical examination in over 21 years.  Are you completely insane or are you just plain dense.  The physical examination takes less than 30 minutes and the worst part is the “finger exam” portion.  For those uninformed, the doctor checks your colon with one of his fingers.  Granted it’s not the most comfortable portion, but if it helps detect something in it’s early stages, hell use two fingers.  Three fingers, I don’t care.  Just be thorough.  It’s the same with breast examinations.

Why wouldn’t you get checked?   As I understand it, it’s not the most comfortable examination, but isn’t the phrase “an ounce of prevention….” mean anything?  And as a woman, your lucky.  You can perform your own examination in the privacy of your own home.  I don’t think I’d enjoy performing the finger portion on myself.  There’s one Polaroid that I wouldn’t want.

Look, I read a statistic today that said that every 12 minutes a woman dies from breast cancer…many because it was not detected in time.  If you have time to read this article, you have time to examine yourself.  Early detection.  It’s that easy.  Your driving down the road and your fuel gauge is almost on “E”, what do you do?  Your child has a stuffy nose and begins to sneeze, what do you do?  You’re in bed and you think you smell smoke, what do you do?  As I understand it, 1 out of every 8 women will get breast cancer, what do you do?  Simple.  Examine yourself and/or get examined.

By Mary Foley

Deciding to start your own business can be exciting and empowering. Its bodacious! To keep that lovin feeling and make your business successful, keep these three keys in mind: knowledge, sanity, and motivation

3 Keys to Being a Successful, Bodacious Woman in Business

Ah, how exciting it is to start your own business and be free of the corporate life! Many women—to the tune of 10.6 million according to the Center for Women’s Business Research—have cut the strings to an employer’s schedule and agenda to set their own direction. By starting their own business they are their own boss and proud of it! You may know a woman who owns her own business or you may be one yourself. One in eleven adult women is an entrepreneur!

Every woman who follows her inner voice and takes the plunge of starting a business is bodacious. Bodacious means to be bold, outstanding, and gutsy. From my ten years rising through the ranks at AOL forging my corporate career and now five years as an entrepreneur, I’ve come up with my own definition of bodacious: The courage to be in charge of your life.

It takes courage to start your own business and it takes courage to keep at it to make it successful. Here are three keys I’ve determined to being a successful, Bodacious Woman in business.

1. Figuring out what you need to know.

No one starts a business having all the knowledge they need to make their business successful. For example, if you were an accountant at an accounting firm, you’ll know how to set up the bookkeeping system for your new tax business, but you probably won’t know much about marketing your services or finding prospective clients. It’s critical that you seek out the knowledge you don’t have, and quickly. Fortunately, there are many ways to learn including books, seminars, Internet, and networking groups. A great way to get started is to simply asking questions. Bodacious Women know the answer is out there.

2. Strive for sanity!

Starting and growing your business can also feel chaotic. You not only have the roles of CEO, service provider, marketer, saleswoman, customer service representative, and administrative assistant, to name a few, you also have personal life roles such as wife, partner, mother, daughter, sister, neighbor, friend, and more. It’s no wonder women feel stressed! In my own business and life I don’t aim for balance. Instead, my goal is sanity - feeling satisfied at the end of each day, believing that I spent my time and energy on the people and activities most important to me. To do this, you have to know what you want…from everyday business decisions to major choices.

3. Feed the motivation meter.

In addition to gaining knowledge and striving for sanity, successful Bodacious Women in business need one more thing.. One of the biggest killers of motivation is isolation. Since many women in business are “soloprenuers,” it’s mega-important that you create relationships with other entrepreneurs and reach out often. A great way to do this is to be part of a “mastermind” group. My mastermind group consists of four other women. Every two weeks we gather on the phone for the sole purpose of sharing our mini victories and asking for ideas to overcome our latest challenges. Just knowing these women are cheering me on motivates me to stay positive and energized.

Deciding to start your own business can be exciting and empowering. It’s bodacious! To keep that lovin’ feeling and make your business successful, keep these three keys in mind: knowledge, sanity, and motivation. Here’s to your bodacious success!

About Mary Foley

During a successful, demanding, rising-through-the-ranks ten-year career with America Online, Mary learned that the only way to thrive in today’s world is to be bold, positive, and courageous—bodacious! Today, as the founder of the Bodacious Women’s Club, Mary inspires women entrepreneurs to use their natural abilities to build their businesses, reduce stress, and feel fulfilled. You can be inspired, too! Get a free copy of Mary’s popular e-book 5 Empowering Words for Women at http://www.bodaciouswomensclub.com .

By Nina Ham

Get more control of the risk involved in leaving the security of a paycheck and going out on your own by making the transition a more gradual one. Learn seven strategies for reducing the impact of letting go of that paycheck!

7 Financial Strategies for Transitioning from Salaried to Solo

A 40’s something woman was talking to me the other day about her growing sense of frustration with “working for someone else” and her longing to “do my own thing, drive my own wagon”. But, she said with consternation, “I have family counting on me and a standard of living I don’t want to sacrifice.”

Everyone has to decide for themselves what level of sacrifice and risk they’re willing to undertake in order to enjoy the satisfactions of working independently. Knowing some strategies for managing the risk will allow you to make a well-informed decision.

Of the seven strategies included below, the first two suggest ways to gradually transition from salaried to solo, instead of diving off the edge. The second two are ways to stretch the dollar; and the final three are ideas for getting started without stopping.

1. Continue to draw a (reduced) salary

Leaving your current employment in order to develop your new business may look like the only option, based on an assumption that you won’t get approval for reducing your hours. While this may prove to be the case, asking yourself why and how your company will profit from retaining your skills and experience for a transitional period can provide the basis for approaching your employer. Be sure to do your homework first, however, and be able to back up your request with a solid rationale.

Also consider the issue of timing. You want to weigh informing your employer of your wish to leave with being prepared to leave if the answer to your request is no.

2. Develop another income stream

If you need to leave your present employment, is there a skill in your toolbag that you can resuscitate and put to work without a significant expenditure of time or energy? Is moonlighting or freelance work an option? Virtual e-lancing websites (such as eWork.com, Guru.com, and e-lance.com) may be worth looking into for short-term professional services opportunities.

Examples: A community mental health worker transitioning to private practice used his conflict resolution experience to sell a training package to public schools. A woman transitioning out of an insurance brokerage created and sold seminars on long term care financing at local retirement centers.

3. Reduce expenses

Apart from fixed expenses - mortgage, taxes, insurance, etc. –are discretionary expenses that make up the larger part of budgets. Doing a careful analysis of these expenses and choosing what you can forego for awhile can often save thousands per year.

Carefully analyzing hidden expenses – credit card interest rates, bank charges, late fees, auto debits, phone plans – or “lost money” from low interest rates on savings may generate several thousand more per year.

4. Borrow

It isn’t necessary to wait to borrow for start-up costs until you have a well-documented idea to submit for a business loan. Refinancing a home or taking a line of credit are relatively low-cost ways of generating capital. Depending on your credit rating, you can also get time-limited low-interest loans from credit card companies.

If you choose this option, applying for loans or refinancing packages while you’re still employed is strongly advised. Your rating as a borrower declines quickly once the regular paychecks stop.

You don’t have to wait!

Get started on your new business idea while you’re still employed. Several of the all-important first steps (below) can be started while standing in the grocery line or running on the treadmill. They involve asking yourself some questions and doing some informal research to get crystal clear about your idea. This can take weeks off your actual start-up time.

5. Identify your niche.

Think about the services you’re uniquely qualified to provide, as well as the ones you most enjoy providing. Be specific! Write them down! Then think about what group of people would get benefit from those services and have the ability to pay for them. Again, be specific: age, where they congregate, habits and values, how they define the problem your services are going to solve. If you don’t know, ask. Find someone who fits your “ideal client” profile (s/he may be on the treadmill next to yours at the gym) and get permission to ask some questions. People generally love to be helpful.

6. Create your marketing plan.

Don’t be intimidated by the term “marketing plan”. While what you need from a marketing plan will get more sophisticated as your business develops, for now it simply means answering the question, How is my business going to make money? What is the product or service you’re going to sell? How will you describe it so people quickly recognize the value? How will you package it? (fee for service? by the project? on retainer?) How will you price it? (What’s being charged for comparable services? What “feels right” to you?)

7. Manage fear!

For most people, anything involving money involves some level of fear. It’s important to acknowledge to yourself and to others that you are taking a risk, and you’ve decided it’s a risk you want to take. So consider the fear natural, and find ways to manage it.

Getting support from people who believe in you and in what you’re embarking on is #1 in fear-management tactics. Don’t assume that you’ll get it from the people closest to you, or that if you don’t have it you shouldn’t proceed. They’re probably the ones most impacted by your decision and so may be least ready to offer support. Their consent – a willingness to go along with your plan – is helpful, but support may have to come later.

It’s also helpful to set a goal (and a date for completion) that’s key to your new venture – arrange financing by a particular date, or sign a lease – and announce it to at least one person. You’ll find that making that commitment, saying it out loud, and following through will in turn generate more confidence and more forward momentum.

To all of you who are tired of marching to someone else’s drum and are eager to go solo, these strategies should help you take prudent but positive steps toward realizing your goal. Good luck!

About the Author:
Nina Ham is an internationally certified women’s business coach and a licensed psychotherapist. Her company, Success from the Inside Out, provides programs and services essential for anyone making the salaried-to-solo transition, including niche identification, marketing fundamentals, and self management for solo professionals. Go to her site, www.SuccessfromtheInsideOut.com and take her free quiz, Is Going Solo for You?

Orgasm Through Intercourse Alone?

Any kind orgasm is wonderful. But let’s face it; for a lot of women there is something special and often elusive about achieving an orgasm during intercourse.

The primary issue is that often there is not enough clitoral stimulation, especially when the man is into the typical thrusting and banging. CAT (Coital Alignment Technique) could be the answer and it doesn’t require athletic ability or a swing.

The technique was formulated by American psychotherapist Edward Eichel. A study of the technique was published by Eichel, De Simone Eichel, and Kule in 1988 in the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy. The technique stimulates the male prostate and the female homologue of the prostate, which are innervated by the pelvic nerve. Some believe that it is this nerve that connects the PHYSICAL to the EMOTIONAL in love making.

The technique is a simple variation of the missionary position. The man rides high on his partner’s pelvis and applies direct and continuous pressure with the base of his penis to her clitoris. Starting in the missionary position, the man moves up, lying higher on the bed than his partner. The man can lean partly on his partner and partly to her left or right. The woman may also wrap her legs around his. Sexual movement is focused in the pelvises, without leverage from the arms or legs. The movement is not in and out, but more up and down. The woman pushes her pelvis up, grinding her clitoris against the base of his penis. The man makes a rocking movement in which he rubs against the clitoris. It is important for the man not to use a thrusting action.

The position is comfortable and very close. In order to coordinate the sexual movement putting both partners must pay attention and be into "the here and now." Studies of the technique showed that when using CAT it diminished fantasizing about other people or situations. The participants were focused on their partner and the present moment. Many couples report this is their method for achieving simultaneous orgasm. Some men may find it difficult to not revert to a thrusting movement but if they allow it some time, they will find a gradual build that is extremely satisfying for both partners.

So to make things purr in your bedroom give CAT a try.

By: Renay Porter

2007 ©

I read in a fashion magazine that the majority of men would purchase more sex toys for their woman but they were nervous that purchases would freak their mate out and would rather if the woman initiated interest in products.

I woke up one morning and informed my husband that I wanted to go purchase a sex toy. My husband was very enthusiastic about the prospect. Why this idea was such an epiphany was the fact that I had never been into an adult store. It’s just not something I was ever brave enough to do. I recognize I’m the naïve one of my friends, I’m the adult store virgin so to speak. I figured I never had to go to these stores because stuff just appeared, why did I have to go? I know, I know, I recognize that at some point I have to get out of my comfort zone and go be a big girl. To be honest, the fear that has kept me out of these stores was the thought that someone I knew might see me walking in or bump into me at the store. To me, a friendly conversation in that environment would be THE most awkward exchange ever. “Hey, how are you, good to see you, how are the kids? Good. Buying the double platinum bullet vibrator today? Interesting. Let me know how that works out for you! Me, what am I getting? Well, I thought I would try out the juicy gel and wiggly jiggly 2000. Alrighty then, see ya later, bye.” WEIRDING OUT NOW! Believe me, my friends-men and women- have teased me about my hesitations when they all know I’m dying to see what is in there. On this day I decided to be brave and go - maybe I would even find something of interest.

Later on during our date night my husband suggested that we go to a particular store together to find something we could enjoy. Prior to me even considering going to any store, I had overheard my girlfriends and manfriends mention an adult store called Fascinating. They said it was clean, not a skanky place, totally professional and respectable. Well great, I wouldn’t want to shop a non-respectable, skanky, non-hygienic adult store, ew!

After completing our dinner and a few drinks, my husband, knowing my hesitation levels, confirmed my desire to go. I told him I had an idea of a particular item and that it reeeeealy was a personal choice and I should pick it. “Great!” was his elated response. My watch read 7:30 p.m. I decided it was early enough in the evening and that anyone I knew wouldn’t visit this store until much later. I began to feel much safer about my decision.

As we drove to the store I realized that I didn’t want a paper trail from a purchase, so we needed cash. My husband went up to the ATM and upon his return I asked him how much he retrieved. “About one hundred dollars”, he said. “One hundred dollars!” I exclaimed, “What do you think we’re getting?” “Well,” he replied as he shrugged his shoulders, “I wanted to be prepared in case you got ambitious.” He’s making me nervous.

As we approached the store I decided to do a drive by and assess the parking lot. “Oh wow, parking lot is full,” I thought. I found myself pulling into the adjacent business building parking lot and parked. My fears were coming back and my anxiety level rose. My husband started giving me the pre-game pep talk, “Come on,” he said, and this I will never forget, “The city has over 2 million people and we only know a handful from this side of town. No one is here,” he said in a coercive manner. “Ya but, everywhere we go I swear we know someone,” I rebutted. We bantered back and forth and by the end I started feeling more confident. I think I can do it. I felt like The Little Engine That Could working up to my big adventure. My heart rate increased, I took long deep breaths to ease my excitement. I ramp up, ok, ok, ok, ok lets go! And drive over.

I pulled into the parking lot and scanned the cars for any recognizable vehicles. Ok, trucks, lots of trucks, good, that means lots of men, no real mommy or girly cars, good, this is good. I found a parking spot, turned off the engine and removed the key. As my husband started to get out of the car I noticed another car pull into the parking spot two cars diagonal to us. I was drawn to this car for some reason. The car looked seemingly familiar. I put on my glasses. I looked closer and my eyes dilated. “Hey!” I said in a loud whisper to my husband who is standing in the open door “Hey, is that…?” I see the couple turn off the car. They opened the doors and the overhead lights glimmered down. I instantly recognized the couple as one of my son’s friend’s parents who we regularly dine with. Holy crap if they see me I know we will end up as the butt of conversation at the next get together and word will possibly spread around my kid’s school; she has a big mouth. I started panicking. “Hey!” I whisper louder. “Get back in the car!” My husband, oblivious to everything, said, kind of loud, “Renay are you coming?” I could have sworn the woman looked over toward my car. If there was ever a possibility to max out the volume on a whisper, I did it. “Get in the car,” I said, “Get in the car! Now!” Get in the damn car! He got in with this “what the hell?” look. “Shut the door the light is on,” a look of horror was on my face. I point towards the car, “Look who is here!” The couple paused then looked at each other like they both heard something recognizable but couldn’t place it. “It’s the Solanos, look! Crap do you think they saw us? We are so leaving!” I started to freak, we had to get out of there, no way I’m going in. “We are out of here!” I said. Unable to place the loud murmur, the Solanos shrugged their shoulders and headed for the door. I didn’t even wait for my husband to buckle his seatbelt. The engine roared, I threw the car in reverse and drove out of that parking lot like I just robbed a bank.

I was in full freak out. I should scream at my husband for putting me in this position. So I did, I started yelling at him, “I told you I didn’t want to go there! I knew we would run into someone! Why did you convince me to come here? I swear she saw me. Oh, my gosh!” My husband, stunned, said, “How is this my fault? This was YOUR idea, why are you upset at me?” I raced down the street away from the scene of the crime. My husband realized the sexual momentum was fading and began the negotiation and rationalization process. “What if we wait for twenty minutes? Let’s just hang out for twenty to thirty minutes. They won’t take long. Please, let’s try again. Come on, you were so excited, come on! The only people that could have caught us were there. Once they leave we are in the clear. I mean they were in there too, what are they going to say about you?”

I glared over at him and burst out in hyperventilation, “ARE YOU INSANE?! You are actually trying to get me back in there, YOU were the one who said, quote, there are 2 million people in this town and NOOOOONE will be there. Screw you! What was I thinking, I don’t need anything. You know I was trying to grow in my sexuality and be adventuresome. Do you know how much courage I had to muster up to even get here and then to see our kid’s parent friends here? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The hazing I’m going to have to deal with if she saw us. Maybe she’s ok with it but I don’t need everyone knowing our private life.” My husband threw up his hands in frustration and grumbled. I continued with my fretting.

After I calmed down and drove miles away from the scene I found the humor in this situation and the potential conversation that may happen. I realized that if the Solanos did see us, there would be a crucial decision, fess up or deny, deny, deny. I choose deny until proven guilty.

To be continued…

Adult Store Virgin Part 2, The Return.

I've always believed that loving someone is a choice. After the initial chemical attraction, love is simply commitment to and whole hearted acceptance of another person. This makes perfect sense to me or at least the thinking rational side of me. My heart, on the other hand, seems to have its own ideas.

My heart likes the concept of a soul mate;the One, my only true love. The one person that is my perfect fit. Others would say “girl, that is pure nonsense,” Oh but what a beautiful idea. It is neither here nor there, my heart flutters at the very thought of it. Picture it, a relationship that would be all of the things we love about falling in love...the perfect relationship complete with amazing, passionate love making, stimulating and exciting conversations, doing things together that become exciting just because of the perspectives you each bring to the table and all sans the hard work, complexities and grievances that seem to be a part of so many marriages.

I admit I am relatively inexperienced at falling in love. While some of my girlfriends fall in love as often as they change shoes, I’ve only fallen four times. I chose to fall and stay in love only once...to my husband. It is a choice that I, my conscious and rational mind, must make daily. Some days it is an easy and obvious choice. Other days it takes complete dedication and will. Maybe he is NOT my perfect fit? Maybe I didn’t marry my SOUL MATE. There I said it out loud. We have been together for 18 years and on the hard days, my heart longs for the notion of a soul mate.

Then I read the truth about soul mates and my prior definition of what was and what is a soul mate was altered. If you have not read the book, I highly recommend Liz Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love for within this book is the real definition of soul mate.

Liz is a woman having a tough time letting go. She is in India at an Ashram talking to a friend who gives it to her straight.
Liz: "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it is so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

Richard from Texas: "He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what that word means. People think soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is just that you can't let this one go. It's over....David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a bit, show your obstacles and addictions and break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life...That was his job and he did great, but now it is over."

So there it is. I have two past loves that fit this description perfectly. I didn’t marry either of them. I was confused each time the relationship ended. How had it not worked out? We were perfect for each other. Each time I believed with every ounce of my being, he was the One. He was my soul mate. When each relationship ended my heart was broken. The realization that he was not going to be the person I would spend the rest of my life hurt beyond comprehension. The pain seemed like it would never end. I was agitated, depressed and sad as I lost sleep and shed tears. I would go from feeling a willingness to give up anything for him to hating him for feeling so willing to give up anything for him. Even a strong, capable and independent woman can be brought to her knees when a love is lost. Love and anger became all mixed up. My very self concept and worth were called into question, and those were the questions that took me to a new place. I was forced to look inside myself. I peeled back layers and evolved. Retrospective analysis, time and transformation healed the wounds. Because of my beloved soul mates I expanded emotionally, spiritually and psychologically. I'm grateful. The love we felt was not the question. A lifelong romance was not the purpose of these relationships. They were simply part of my own growth and evolution. They were the mirrors that I needed to see the truth about myself. Their presence and loss thereof added texture to the fabric that is me. It is who I am today that I share with the man may not be my soul mate but is forever more my husband, partner and friend.
_________________
Shay Pausa
ChiKii Woman to Woman
Real Women, Real Solutions
www.chikii.com

By: Renay Porter

I read in a fashion magazine that the majority of men would purchase more sex toys for their woman but they were nervous that purchases would freak their mate out and would rather if the woman initiated interest in products.

I woke up one morning and informed my husband that I wanted to go purchase a sex toy. My husband was very enthusiastic about the prospect.  Why this idea was such an epiphany was the fact that I had never been into an adult store.  It’s just not something I was ever brave enough to do.  I recognize I’m the naïve one of my friends, I’m the adult store virgin so to speak. I figured I never had to go to these stores because stuff just appeared, why did I have to go?  I know, I know, I recognize that at some point I have to get out of my comfort zone and go be a big girl.  To be honest, the fear that has kept me out of these stores was the thought of someone I knew would see me drive up to, walk in to or bump into me at the store. To me, a friendly conversation in that environment would be THE most awkward exchange ever.  “Hey, how are you, good to see you, how are the kids? Good.  Buying the double platinum bullet vibrator today?  Interesting. Let me know how that works out for you! Me, what am I getting?  Well, I thought I would try out the juicy gel and wiggly jiggly 2000. Alrighty then, see ya later, bye.”  WEIRDING OUT NOW!  Believe me, my friends, men and women, have teased me about my hesitations when they all know I’m dying to see what is in there.  I decided to be brave and go  - maybe I would even find something of interest.  However, being the nervous one I had to first identify where to go then devise a plan to avoid recognition and maintain a level of comfort. 

I had overheard my girlfriends and manfriends mention an adult store called Fascinating.  They said it was clean, not a skanky place, totally professional and respectable.  Well great, I wouldn’t want to shop a non-respectable, skanky, non-hygienic adult store, ew!  The next part was to go incognito which meant shopping on a day and during a time when I knew people were working,  wear non-descript clothing, and drive my husband’s car. 

         On a Tuesday afternoon I pulled into the parking lot and scanned for familiar cars.  Nope, no cars I recognize.  Oh good trucks, lots of trucks, no real mommy or girly cars, good.  I kept my sunglasses on and carried my regular glasses in.  The next part of my plan was to find the bachelorette section and carry around some items as a decoy for the real stuff I intended to purchase. As I approached the entrance the door automatically slid open to welcome me. I walked cautiously through the door and before my eyes could adjust to the change in light I was hit with a sudden, “Hello! Welcome to Fascinating” by the store greeter.  I was completely thrown off and responded with something jumbled like, “Ya, um, hi”, and then I quickly looked down to hide my face. I thought, Ok this is not Walmart, please don’t meet me, greet me or acknowledge me at the door of this type of establishment. That was weird.

         I turned the corner and switched into my regular glasses.  The panoramic view of the adult toy world came into focus...I gasped and felt slightly paralyzed. Holy…there really is anything and everything. I’m now intimidated. Start walking Renay, go, walk now, you are not leaving, go.  I eased into the store and began venturing down the isles.  There was stuff that wiggled, jiggled, spins, bent, folded, snapped, clipped, attached, vibrated and was fully waterproof.  There were instructional books about how to manipulate your body into a salted pretzel to obtain more intense orgasms. How the hell am I supposed to do that?  I sucked at Twister.   I breezed by the fetish section. It’s really dark in there, lots of black. I didn’t even want to know who or what was in there. 

         Anyway, on with the plan.  I found the bachelorette section and grabbed a bunch of party décor items that hopefully stated to onlookers, “I am in charge of the bachelorette party, and yes, I am purchasing items for the bride, not me, its’ for my friend.” By the way, people look, but don’t look, who is around them and they will try to see what you are purchasing.

         Continuing on, I literally stumbled across and almost over this massive giant wedge of foam.  Apparently, it is supposed to really help couples hit it home, if you know what I’m saying.  I mean there was an instructional video, thirty day guaranty and everything.  Of course, the logical side of me came out and thought, Seriously, hundreds of dollars for foam. Why not get some cheap pillows from Target? Try and hide that in the house.  My luck the kids would find it and use it for a ramp for their HotWheels.

         Further and further I went into the store.  A lighted display case caught my eye. As I approached there was a sign that said “Touch Our Toys.”  My first thought was, Why?  Why would I want to sample anything here?  Who knows who was in here?  More importantly who knows where their hands were earlier? I let out a verbal, and maybe too loud, “EEEWWW!”  People looked over, I quickly put up my hand and mouthed “sorry”. I better move on.

         I finally arrived to what I refer to as The Wall of Wiggle. If you’ve ever seen this, this wall, floor to ceiling, can be totally intimidating for an adult store virgin like me considering the multitude of options.  I decided to start at one end that seemed like the newbie section because it has some beginner kits and words like “your first” on the labels.  As I made my way along the wall I noticed that the wiggles started getting more colorful, bigger, longer, things were extending out from the apparatus, there were multiple speeds, waterproof or water resistant and the battery packs seem to be bigger than my cordless drill.  When I reached the “advanced wiggle” section I swear I must have stood there, tipped my head to the right and honestly tried to figure out how the hell some of this worked and how one would.....let’s just say I hoped this thing had instructions with illustrations. 

         I must have walked along that wall enough times to appear confused.  I couldn’t help it; I had this monologue going on in my head and I kept going forward to the advanced and back towards the newbie, What if it’s too big, will he think I secretly want things of that length or girth? I mean, I’m tooootally happy with his size, he’s awesome. What if the color weirds him out? It’s kind of shiny, and speeds should I have lots of speeds. Would he think I need everything moving like mach ten? What about the texture; twisty, straight, bumpy? Ugh, what, do, I, pick?

         After what I thought was a half an hour of mulling over my options, I finally decide on something I think balanced out my concerns and confidence level.  Now I have to go back to the bachelorette section and put everything back then bolt to the counter.  While in the section I get my cash ready and add up everything so I can pay and exit.  I walk right up to the counter and place my item down.  I am mentally ready to exit, I have everything ready to go, I’ve added up the item plus taxes, and the cashier says “Did you find everything?” “Yes thank you” I reply.  This is not a department store, please don’t ask me that.  “Batteries with this?” she asked.  I’m smiling, I’m ready to leave, wait, what did she say? “I’m sorry, what?” I said.  “Do, you, want to buy batteries?”  Ok could you just say that louder?  I started to inner fret, Batteries, what batteries, ok whatever.  I said, “Ok, fine, sure.”  “How many?” she asked.  “How many what?”  “How many do you want?” How am I supposed to know? I’ve never bought this before! I am quietly freaking but trying to appear nonchalant, “I have no idea?”  I can feel my heart pounding and anxiety rising. The clerk pulls the item out of the bag so that EVERYONE can see my toy. Please don’t take that out, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Everyone at the check out can see what I’m buying, pllllllease put it away! “It takes four, I’ll get you some,” she said.  Before I could reject her offer she left, then returned with a pack of four batteries, scans them and places both items in the bag.  I’m pretty sure my face turned as red as a rose. I could not be more embarrassed, in shock and just wanting to leave.  She relayed the total. I hand over the cash. Before she took my cash she paused and asked, “Are you a Fascinating member?”  “Uh, no and I’m good thanks.” Can I just go? “Are you aware of our return policy?” “Um, I’m not returning this, can I just pay?”  I’m pretty sure she is starting to mess with me.  Yes, I’m the newbie trying to appear normal. Yes, I am the adult store virgin.  Can I just leave, please?  She handed me the bag and says with a grin, “Have a good day.” 

         I walk briskly out of the store, switch out my glasses, get in the car and exhale.  I called my husband on the way home. He was all in a giggle as I relayed my journey of fretting to final purchase.  “So what did you get?” he asked.   “Not telling, we’ll check it out tonight, it’s your favorite color.”

2007 Ó   Renay Porter

by Karen Russo

Need more luck in your finances? Try betting on you and giving yourself the control you need to get out of financial traps.

The Trap of Scarcity

A financial storm washes you up on a deserted island. All alone, without money, energy, or support, you feel afraid. The trap of scarcity is a fear-filled mindset about money. If you’re terrified about money and you receive a windfall, but don’t address the fear, you’ll likely feel terrified in a more upscale environment.

Anxiety about money is ultimately an issue of faith. Jobs, people and mutual funds are channels for money to flow through. Behind those channels there’s an ultimate source. We connect with that source by asking our first Key Question: What reality are we serving with our money? Are you investing your attention in scarcity or are you inspired by a vision for your life? Build upon your religious or spiritual beliefs. Find things to feel grateful for in your current financial circumstances! Acknowledge their source. What you focus on appreciates in your life, so gratitude offers a good return!

The Trap of Superstition

Superstition around money is a mental and emotional prison of resentment, anger, and conflict. Behind bars, we think something outside of us, a spouse, the IRS, a boss, the market, has power over us. Trapped like that, we suffer needlessly.

Our get-out-of-jail-free card begs the next Key Question: What games are we playing with our money? Shift your mental beliefs and emotional reactions around money into creating Win-Win. Right now, decide to release one person in one situation from financial resentment (maybe yourself), step out of the prison of superstitious thinking and see what creative ideas start flowing!

The Trap of Survival Mode

You’ve wandered off the path and collapsed into some quicksand. Mess, distraction, or confusion in financial papers and systems is draining. Like a full closet has no room for new clothes, money mess doesn’t invite more flow. You flail and struggle with bills and decisions but end up staying stuck. Escaping survival mode requires accessing our personal power, not just delegating.

To get out of struggle and into the flow, we ask the final Key Question: How are we growing with our money? How can I, my family or my team learn and thrive by consciously taking actions in pursuit of our goals? Start with a simple plan for allocating the money that comes into your household or business. Giving, investing, and fun come first, so you’re in the habit of being generous, wise and happy about how money is moving in your life.

Asking these three Key Questions helps you live in Peace, Freedom and Financial Possibility! Lady Luck is on your side for good.

Karen Russo is your spiritual guide in personal finance, and the author of The Money Keys: Unlocking Peace, Freedom & Real Financial Power. Visit www.TheMoneyKeys.com. Chikii Ladies: email customercare@themoneykeys.com for your FREE bonus download ‘Three Questions You Must Ask to Make Powerful, Prosperous Money Choices.’

Servings: 2 to 3

Ingredients:

• 8 ounces rigatoni pasta, uncooked (we used whole wheat pasta)  
• 1 pound mixed fresh vegetables ( we like zucchini, onions, cauliflower & bell peppers)
• Salt
• Pepper
• 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning
• 2 tablespoon vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons balsamic vinegar
• 1/4 cup chicken broth
• 2 tablespoons grated Parmesan cheese

Directions:

Preheat oven to 500 degrees F. Prepare pasta according to package directions.

While pasta is cooking, slice or cut vegetables and place in a shallow baking pan, arranged in a single layer. Season with salt, pepper and Italian seasoning and brush lightly with oil.

Roast for about 10 minutes, or until vegetables caramelize and brown, leaving any juice in the baking sheet. Drain and set juices aside. Chop vegetables into 1-inch pieces.

When pasta is done, drain well. Toss cooked pasta with vegetable juice, vegetables, vinegar, chicken broth and Parmesan cheese. Serve immediately.

Thanksgiving.

It’s suppose to be a time of thanks and appreciation for the things that we have. Those things can either be something we can grasp like a house, a car or a new electronic gizmo that makes life easier. They could also be things that you can’t grasp with your hands. Such as your health, a good job or family. The key word in this paragraph is “suppose to be”. But it’s not. It’s about who’s driving to who’s house. What they are bringing. What time dinner is. Is it going to affect the football game. Fighting traffic the day of Thanksgiving. Which pie to have first, and second and third. What one sibling said to the other that seems to have ruffled some feathers.

Why can’t it be the way it suppose to be? Why don't we actually focus on appreciation for getting together? To be THANKFUL and APPRECIATIVE for everything that you have. Very simple. Very easy and you don’t even have to worry about whether or not you took “the bag” out of the turkey before placing it in the oven.

Christmas.

It’s suppose to be a time of love, good will and peace on Earth. Ok, so I know I’m aiming high regarding the peace on Earth. But couldn’t we handle the love and good will on our own? Would it kill us to calm down on the presents for our children and each other and focus on love and good will? Would we be upsetting our natural course to go out of our way to show some love and good will? CAn we display unconditional love and unselfish act of good will without expecting recognition?

Why do we get so caught up with the presents, the decorations, the parties? Why do we concern ourselves with the amount of presents to buy each other? Why worry if they’re like it? Is it the right size? Did I spend too much or not enough? What do I get the boss? My In-laws?
It goes on and on until we have exhausted ourselves and our credit cards. And for what? Fifteen minutes of pleasure either unwrapping or watching someone unwrap a present. Couldn’t we use those fifteen minutes in a different manner?

Can we just take a step back and look at Christmas differently? Why couldn’t we take those fifteen minutes now before we get too wrapped (pardon the pun) up in the festivities? Can we look at Christmas as the time to practice unconditional love and good will, before we forget all together what they are? Why couldn’t we do it now before we spend hours trying to unravel the endless stream of Christmas lights?

For me, I look at them as a reminder of what I’m thankful for and more important what life (in general) should be. Maybe they shouldn’t come only once a year. Maybe once a month would be better, for me. For us. For everyone. It’s simple, isn’t? But that’s me in my own little world. There’s still plenty of room. Would you like to join me?

By: Renay Porter

          So the follow up question friends asked me after I told them the story was, “So, did you go back?”  Yes I did, on my own, and here is my eyes wide open experience going to an adult store for the first time. 

          A few weeks later, I recovered from my post-adult store trauma.  I think I was thoroughly therapized by my husband because I decided to return to the store all by myself.  I devised a plan that would allow me to avoid recognition and maintain a level of comfort.  The first part was to go incognito which meant going on a Tuesday afternoon when I knew people were working.  I wore non-descript clothing, and this time, I took my husband’s car.

          I pulled into the parking lot and again scanned for familiar cars.  Nope, no cars I recognize.  I kept my sunglasses on and carried my regular glasses in.  The second part of my plan was to find the bachelorette section and carry around some items as a decoy for the real stuff I intended to purchase. As I approached the entrance the door automatically slid open to welcome me. I walked cautiously through the door and before my eyes could adjust to the change in light I was hit with a sudden, “Hello! Welcome to Fascinating” by the store greeter.  I was completely thrown off and responded with something jumbled like, “Ya, um, hi”, and then I quickly looked down to hide my face. I thought, Ok this is not Walmart, please don’t meet me, greet me or acknowledge me at the door of this type of establishment. That was weird.

          I turned the corner and switched into my regular glasses.  The panoramic view of the adult toy world came into focus...I gasped and felt slightly paralyzed. Holy…there really is anything and everything. I’m now intimidated. Start walking Renay, go, walk now, you are not leaving, go.  I eased into the store and began venturing down the isles.  There was stuff that wiggled, jiggled, spins, bent, folded, snapped, clipped, attached, vibrated and was fully waterproof.  There were instructional books about how to manipulate your body into a salted pretzel to obtain more intense orgasms. How the hell am I supposed to do that?  I sucked at Twister.   I breezed by the fetish section. It’s really dark in there, lots of black. I didn’t even want to know who or what was in there. 

          Anyway, on with the plan.  I found the bachelorette section and grabbed a bunch of party décor items that hopefully stated to onlookers, “I am in charge of the bachelorette party, and yes, I am purchasing items for the bride, not me, its’ for my friend.” By the way, people look, but don’t look, who is around them and they will try to see what you are purchasing.

          Continuing on, I literally stumbled across and almost over this massive giant wedge of foam.  Apparently, it is supposed to really help couples hit it home, if you know what I’m saying.  I mean there was an instructional video, thirty day guaranty and everything.  Of course, the logical side of me came out and thought, Seriously, hundreds of dollars for foam. Why not get some cheap pillows from Target? Try and hide that in the house.  My luck the kids would find it and use it as  a ramp for their HotWheels.

          Further and further I went into the store.  A lighted display case caught my eye. As I approached there was a sign that said “Touch Our Toys.”  My first thought was, Why?  Why would I want to sample anything here?  Who knows who was in here?  More importantly who knows where their hands were earlier? I let out a verbal, and maybe too loud, “EEEWWW!”  People looked over, I quickly put up my hand and mouthed “sorry”. I better move on.

          I finally arrived to what I refer to as The Wall of Wiggle. If you’ve ever stood before this wall with floor to ceiling products, it can be totally intimidating for an adult store virgin like me.  I decided to start at one end that seemed like the newbie section because it has some beginner kits and words like “your first” on the labels.  As I made my way along the wall I noticed that the wiggles started getting more colorful, bigger, longer, things were extending out from the apparatus, there were multiple speeds, waterproof or water resistant and the battery packs seem to be bigger than my cordless drill.  When I reached the “advanced wiggle” section I swear I must have stood there, tipped my head to the right and honestly tried to figure out how the hell some of this worked and how one would.....let’s just say I hoped this thing had instructions with illustrations. 

          I must have walked along that wall enough times to appear confused.  I couldn’t help it; I had this monologue going on in my head and I kept going forward to the advanced and back towards the newbie, What if it’s too big, will he think I secretly want things of that length or girth? I mean, I’m tooootally happy with his size, he’s awesome. What if the color weirds him out? It’s kind of shiny, and speeds should I have lots of speeds. Would he think I need everything moving like mach ten? What about the texture; twisty, straight, bumpy? Ugh, what, do, I, pick?

          After what I thought was a half an hour of mulling over my options, I finally decide on something I think balanced out my concerns and confidence level.  Now I have to go back to the bachelorette section and put everything back then bolt to the counter.  While in the section I get my cash ready and add up everything so I can pay and exit.  I walk right up to the counter and place my item down.  I am mentally ready to exit, I have everything ready to go, I’ve added up the item plus taxes, and the cashier says “Did you find everything?” “Yes thank you” I reply.  This is not a department store, please don’t ask me that.  “Batteries with this?” she asked.  I’m smiling, I’m ready to leave, wait, what did she say? “I’m sorry, what?” I said.  “Do, you, want to buy batteries?”  Ok could you just say that louder?  I started to inner fret, Batteries, what batteries, ok whatever.  I said, “Ok, fine, sure.”  “How many?” she asked.  “How many what?”  “How many, do you need?” How am I supposed to know? I’ve never bought this before! I am quietly freaking but trying to appear nonchalant, “I have no idea?”  I can feel my heart pounding and anxiety rising. The clerk pulls the item out of the bag so that EVERYONE can see my toy. Please don’t take that out, what are you doing?! Everyone at the check out can see what I’m buying, pllllllease put it away! “It takes four, I’ll get you some,” she said.  Before I could reject her offer she left, then returned with a pack of four batteries, scans them and places both items in the bag.  I’m pretty sure my face turned as red as a rose. I could not be more embarrassed, in shock and just wanting to leave.  She relayed the total. I hand over the cash. She reached for the cash then paused and asked, “Are you a Fascinating member?”  “Uh, no and I’m good thanks.” Can I just go? “Are you aware of our return policy?” “Um, I’m not returning this, can I just pay?”  I’m pretty sure she is starting to mess with me.  Yes, I’m the newbie trying to appear normal. Yes, I am the adult store virgin.  Can I just leave, please?  She hands me the bag and says with a grin, “Have a good day.” 

          I walk briskly out of the store, switch out my glasses, get in the car and exhale.  I called my husband on the way home. He was all in a giggle as I relayed my journey of fretting to final purchase.  “So what did you get?” he asked.   “Not telling, we’ll check it out tonight, it’s your favorite color.”

2007 Ó   Renay Porter