My life was not like that four years ago.  I left an exec level  corporate job in which I ran a $50M business unit for a publicly held company.  The P&L got into the details...the product plans, time lines, people by month, by dollar.  My list was as detailed as it could be.  As entrepreneur I've taken a different approach. I have the freedom to do so.   My ideas and vision are much bigger now.  I'm not run by the daily stock price (not yet :)) and I don't live quarter to quarter.   About 6 months ago I started something new with my TO DO list.  I changed my goals to intentions...big picture and less on the details.  It was hard to do it but I wanted to try.  I even took it a step further.  I went against everything I had ever learned and decided that my goals didn't need a date or $ attached.  YIKES...nothing measurable.  Well not completely but not the way I had done before. 

I wrote my intention:  To create a media company that would provide resources, tools, entertainment and community to women with the focus on helping all women realize their own power, see new choices and live a life to be celebrated.  The executive in me replied, "What the hell does all that mean?"  My intrinsic entrepreneur said, "I can't tell you exactly what it looks like but it's never been done before. It will have the connectivity and community of MySpace for Women but with an intimacy not currently found.  It will be rich with content equal to or greater than NBC and iVillage.  It will feature women, experts and entertainment that would make even Oprah's heart sing."  And when I let go of the details each every single day became filled with the way this was all going to happen.  Phone calls came in.  Meetings were requested.  Opportunities showed up.  The business plan become rock solid.  The numbers are amazing. The first contracts started coming before we were ready to take them.  Now I write a daily TO DO list with a line down the middle.  On the left side is labeled SHAY.  The right side is labeled Universe.  (This can be replaced with God, Spirit Higher Self or whatever moves you...It is the side for details.)  On my side I write down what I know I will accomplish that day.  On the other side I write down the things that I don't yet have figured out; things beyond my control.  It can be the deal I'm waiting for or  the person that is causing me grief.  I just delegate it to the right side column. And guess what, that stuff always gets done.  A month later everything on the right had side is done. 

Now for some this sounds well, woo woo.  Here is how I answer that.  So what? It works.  Psychology supports that what we think becomes what we believe and our subconscious will make us right...good, bad or indifferent.  Spiritual types will say that if you Let Go and Let God all things are possible.  Whatever you believe, believe this...If you want something badly enough IT WILL HAPPEN. 

So for all of you out there creating, building and making a difference, most importantly BELIEVE.  I believe you can do it.

With Thanksgiving just a few days away it seems only appropriate that we focus on gratitude. As you think back to any joyous moment in your life, I'm sure you will agree, gratitude was part of the feeling.  When you feel joy; you feel gratitude.  When you feel gratitude you are more apt to experience joy.

During the next six weeks, as we strive for joy, we are bound to experience some stress.  Our calendars will most likely be booked solid leaving us overwhelmed and overcommitted. In the midst of it, we may feel alone. Commercials will show idyllic settings of surprise gifts and horse drawn carriages raising our personal expectations to ridiculous heights. And of course, we are sure to see Martha Stewart or Sandra Lee make some amazing decorative table setting with leftover toothpicks and papier-mâché toilet paper that will certainly bring delight to our children and guests; leaving us feeling puzzled and utterly inadequate.  (This happened to me today when I read about the amazing holiday crafts that can be made with tampons.  No, I didn't make this up. Check out the link. But let me get back on track.)  If this happens to you, just stop and take a moment. Remember to feel grateful.  Laugh at silly things.  Breathe and remind yourself of the things that really bring you joy. Rent your favorite comedy. Realize that your kids are just as happy to share a box of Oreos and milk with you as they are baking cookies.  Don't be afraid to say, "Thank you for thinking of us but I've already made another commitment."  And yes, that commitment can be as simple as planning to order take out.  You deserve and are required to take time for yourself. A little stillness, even a few short minutes, can bring about a lot of clarity. 

This summer I began looking through a new lens…a different perspective.  I spent a little time behind the camera.   As I traveled with my camera and tripod in tow, doors were opened, literally and figuratively. 

With my camera in hand, I was welcomed everywhere and through the lens of a camera, cities I’d been to a dozen or even a hundred times before, looked different.  There was something fresh and unique.  In San Francisco, with a backdrop of the Bay, faces of strangers became friends. Stories were on every corner.   On a beautiful afternoon in Sausalito, I found wisdom and beauty as I interviewed Kare Anderson on her lessons of grief.  In the high country of Arizona, simple family gatherings took on a new fulfilling meaning. 

As I shot scenes with no particular plan, I began to see a new reality for myself and ChiKii.  I could seemingly go anywhere and talk to anyone.   “Is this for a TV show,” I was asked.  “Where can I watch it?”  Everywhere I went woman wanted to share their stories, insight and lessons learned…           and even more wanted to watch.      Suddenly, changing my career midlife to work on my “things to do before I die” list, becoming a producer and hosting a show didn’t seem crazy.  

Now I have a confession to make.  Up until that point, it seemed crazy.  Sure I’ve always been passionate about the concept and even felt compelled to create ChiKii Woman to Woman.  I envisioned a community and a show that celebrated, encouraged, inspired and entertained women…mostly.  We the let guys come along for the ride.  Yet, with all honesty, it felt uncomfortable telling people that I was a “producer”, much less the on camera talent.  I even hated the term.  Who was I to produce?  What the hell did I know about being in front of a camera?  And who was I to think it was for me to go and get these stories?  I’m not a journalist.  I’m a corporate executive that spent fifteen years in healthcare technology, built an enviable career and then chucked it all to pursue some pipe dream.  Yes it seemed crazy, especially to the person doing it.   

But of course, I never expressed that to anyone.  I am believer in the Law of Attraction. I’ve have my copy of The Secret.  I know. Focus on your fear “this is crazy and it will never work” and that is exactly what you’ll get.  And not saying it out loud did not alleviate the fear or change my focus.  An intention combined with the wrong focus leads to uninspired action, a lot of hard work and an unsuccessful venture. GUARANTEED!  Yes, I know.    

And let me tell you, I can have more uninspired action than anyone.  I’m a major Type A personality with a big battery.  I can get more done before 9 am than most people can do all day.    This in fact made the situation even worse.  I had a long list of uninspired action to work on each and every day! 

After spending a lot of money and time, a stranger called after seeing one of the first shows and invited me to lunch.  I Googled him and accepted his invitation.  He was a recently retired entertainment and television executive…big time HBO, Discovery…the list when on and on.  We met, ordered and then everything I feared came true.  He told me I was awful.  The show sucked, I wasn’t attractive enough and he hoped I had other plans. Now my food was on order and in less than 5 minutes he said everything I feared.  Slightly stunned but rarely shaken, I thanked him for his honest feedback and asked why he didn’t just tell me this by email or on the phone.  It would have been so much more efficient and certainly less expensive.  He responded that he had daughters and he’d want someone to tell them if they were in my situation.  Thanks mister.  This is going to be one long lunch.   Then he added that my concept was brilliant and with the right execution it could be very successful.   Was he using the sandwich concept of constructive criticism?  No it couldn’t be that he didn’t start with anything nice.   We spent the next four hours talking, brainstorming and dreaming.  You see the truth was that I hadn’t been happy with our first productions either…I just didn’t know why.   This stranger brought out of nowhere was a gift.  THANK YOU!! 

I stopped production and threw away my uninspired to do list. I regrouped and started “playing” behind and in front of the camera.  I started to see everything a little bit differently…and everything began to change.  Experts wanted to come on the show.  We signed our first distribution agreement with SheKnows.com. The team I needed to make this happen: writers, shooters, and editors began to appear.  Our local CBS affiliate called and wanted to do a story about my Marijuana Mommies piece…the one I had pitched to them and at least 100 other outlets for six months.  And we began producing what was meant to be. We completed 10 segments in July, just finished up 10 more segments and have 30 more scheduled for 2007 and 120 for 2008.    

So call me crazy but I’m no longer afraid.  I’m a producer and I’m feeling very ChiKii.

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.”

Steve Jobs

Thanks Steve.  If you were a woman, you’d be ChiKii too! 

Shay Pausa, is the Executive Producer of ChiKii Woman to Woman and founder of ChiKii.com.  Her show can be seen on SheKnowsTV.  She is also a wife and mom of two beautiful and fascinating humans, Zachary and Ashton.  Shay is on a never ending quest for information with a passion for connecting and helping others.  You can see her show at www.chikii.com and www.sheknowtv.com   

I will not be able to please everyone.  My dinner will not be done in 60 minutes like Racheal Ray’s meal nor will it look like anything Bon Appetit or Martha Stewart would want to highlight.  My house will be messy no matter how many things I pick up through out the day.  I will inevitably let someone down�mostly myself because my expectations are too high for any normal person’s standards. 

And yet, I am excited.  I am excited by the idea of some free time; time to play with my kids, connect with my husband and talk to some old friends.  I am excited that this might be the year that my guests, especially my mother in law, will enjoy themselves without reservation.  Most of all, I’m excited that this might be the year that I enjoy without expectation�but I guess I just created an expectation in that sentence so maybe next year!

Deanna Butler from Ohio sent me a note this morning.  It included this story.  It is one that you may have read before and I’m sure you will enjoy it again.  Pass it on to a friend.  Invite her out for a latte without any expectations.  Enjoy the minute and have a brilliant and joyous week. 

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

Gay, Matt, Sherry, Linda, Julie, Danielle, Kelly, Billy, Joe, Doug, Kent, Tony, Steve, Ed, the entire Girlfriends Rowing Crew:Stephanie, Christine, Jamie, Cathy, Kathy, Raye, April,Erika,Tamara, all of my Girlfriends that encouraged and asked on a regular basis..."when is your show going to be ready?" 

Well,  it is FINALLY ready and I get to spend my days doing what I love; meeting and talking with incredible, amazing and inspirational women....which by the way is every woman I've ever met.  Everyone is truly extraordinary in their own right.  My hope is that the stories we feature will serve as inspiration, hope, and support for those women out there looking for their own power, dealing with their own challenges, and learning their own lessons. Woman to Woman we can learn so much.   If we help one woman a day feel better, learn something that makes a difference in her life or creates an opportunity for growth, it is a good day in my book.